Tag: kindness

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Bounce

It takes grit to walk 702 miles in the desert from Campo to Kennedy Meadows. There are long climbs up rugged mountains, rattlesnakes, cactus waiting to stab you, scarce water holes, rattlesnakes, blisters…Did I mention rattlesnakes?

But it toughens you up. Most people who complete the desert section, go on to finish the entire 2,650 miles of the PCT. It’s a challenge for anyone. My friend Bounce surmounted all of these obstacles, but he has one hurdle that no one else on the trail must face.  Last year he was diagnosed with a debilitating disease that slowly causes his toes and feet to contract, like the hand deformity Viking’s disease.  The doctor said over time he would lose the ability to walk.  Bounce’s first question: Can I hike the Pacific Crest Trail?  “Do it sooner rather than later,” the doctor answered. He talked to his wife and got the go-ahead to hit the trail this year.

Bounce is a quiet guy. He often camps by himself in the desert rather than at designated campsites.  I had met him several times on the trail, but we had never really talked much until we both camped one night at Walker Pass.  We shared a picnic table, and he told me about his disease, and the pain he endures every day on the trail.  He was looking forward to seeing his wife and kids who were coming to meet him at Kennedy Meadows, a three-day walk from there. When he learned that I was one meal short on this stretch, he insisted I take one of his ramen packets.

I asked him why he wanted to walk the PCT.  He said it had been a life-long dream, and intimated that it was a way for him to take back control of his body from the disease. He was willing to pay the price for his decision to hike, which was constant pain.

I don’t know who gave him the trail name Bounce, but it’s brilliant.  Bounce is short for Bounce Back…from adversity.  It’s an important mindset for all PCT hikers because we have lots of obstacles to overcome. Bounce is showing us the way with courage, determination, and a heart bigger than the Sierras.

Safe travels brother.

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Drinking with a New Friend

I was sitting quietly on a logging road after my mid-morning break at Peavine Creek about a two day walk north of Burney Falls. I’m not sure what got my attention because I didn’t hear anything, but I looked up and across the road was a large mountain lion. A very large one about four feet long, plus a two foot tail and massive legs and paws.

He was walking down the dirt road to drink from the creek, and didn’t notice me. I didn’t want to startle the big fella so I moved slightly. That instantly got his attention, and he turned his head to directly stare at me. I met his gaze and we looked at each other for about 15 seconds. (It seemed much longer.) I don’t know what was going through his mind. Perhaps questions such as: Who is this smelly beast that’s at my watering hole? Is this guy a threat or a morning snack?

I entertained similar questions. Am I cat food? Should I take a photo? Am I really seeing this amazing creature? I decided to keep my phone in my pocket, and just stay in the moment and engage with this wild creature. He wasn’t at all worried about me, just curious. He no doubt has seen many humans in his woods, but I assume rarely has met one as unexpectedly as this. His gaze stayed steady and seemed intelligent.

It’s not the first time I’ve encountered a wild animal that is stronger and deadlier than me. I’ve also seen grizzlies and black bears at close range. I wasn’t particularly scared. In fact, I felt grateful for the experience, especially since he was just looking at me rather than hunting. In more than 50 years of backpacking, this is the first time I’ve seen a mountain lion. But you never know what actions a wild animal might take, so after a while (15 seconds to be exact) I decided to take the actions that you are supposed to do when encountering a mountain lion: Make yourself look as big and powerful as possible. So I puffed out my chest, raised my head and prepared to stand up. That was enough. The big cat turned around and silently loped off back down the road and into the forest.

I took a swig of the same Peavine Creek water that the big guy was seeking, and returned to the trail. From the way he loped off, it appeared that the lion didn’t want anything to do with me. Just in case, every few minutes for the next mile, I scanned behind me for signs that I was being stalked. Fortunately, the cat had other plans.

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Meet an Angel

Earth Hippie (Raymond) and Pak Dave at Walker Pass Campground

Walking into the Walker Pass Campground after a long day, I thought the pony-tailed guy wearing tie-dye, smoking weed and talking about catching and eating rattlesnakes was just another of the many characters you meet along the trail. 

But he turned out to be anything but.  His name is Raymond and of course his trail name is Earth Hippie. Bounce, another hiker, and I were too tired to hold up our end of the conversation, so Earth Hippie talked for all three of us.  He knew the region quite well because he’d grown up in Ridgecrest and roamed these dry hills as a kid. He pointed out where the Kern River drainage was located and our route to Kennedy Meadows the next day, talked about the best fishing spots, but his passion is Frisbee Golf. He brought out his discs and tutored us on how to throw each of them for distance and accuracy.  He plays every day no matter where he’s located. If there’s not an official course, he creates one from the landscape.  He told us the story of when he first tried LSD at 11-years old.

But the conversation turned interesting when he told us his 70’s love story.  During high school in Ridgecrest, he and his sweetheart had sworn eternal love to one another.  But her parents had no interest in their smart daughter having any kind of relationship with a boy known for being a wild child since birth and who was the town’s leading pot dealer.  They went their separate ways. Raymond, Earth Hippie, moved to Colorado where he met another woman and raised seven children.  His partner suffered from mental illness, and left him with the kids, and he ended up spending 28 years raising them.  When the last one left the nest, Earth Hippie let the universe know that he was ready to find a new partner.  This was before Tinder, and so he put the word out through energetic channels, he said, because he has a direct relationship with God and the universe.  I rolled my eyes at that.

Six women called him the first week, but none seemed to be a good fit.  Finally, via Facebook, he received a message from his old high school sweetheart.  She’d just finished up a distinguished career doing super-secret work in the USA and abroad.  She still loved Earth Hippie and vice versa.  Raymond told her that she had contacted him on the very same date they had fallen in love in high school.  She said that couldn’t be true.  He proved it by asking her to remember the password for the bank account they had started together in high school which was the date they fell in love. She started crying.  Earth Hippie told us that stuff like this has happened to him since birth.  They got together and looked for a place to live.  They liked Durango, CO…but his sweetie said no because it didn’t have a Frisbee Golf Course, and she knew Earth Hippie would be unhappy without one nearby.  They chose another town in Colorado. 

We said goodbye to Earth Hippie, set up camp and walked three more days to Kennedy Meadows.  I was headed back to Berkeley for Max’s birthday party and some R&R.  But getting home was not easy.  I spent the night in Ridgecrest and early the next morning was at a bus stop for the 3-hour ride to Bakersfield, followed by a 6 hour train trip.  And guess who showed up?  Earth Hippie drove up and parked on his way to the Frisbee Golf course across the street from the bus stop.  We chatted, and then I checked the bus schedule again because it was late.  It turned out I was at the wrong stop, and not only had missed the bus but would miss the train and miss Max’s birthday party.  Earth Hippie just said, “Why do you think I’m here, get in the car.”  He told me he was told to be at this park today by the Supreme Being, so he showed up not knowing what he was supposed to do but play Frisbee golf.  “My hair stands on end when God works through me,” he said.  He drove me to Lake Isabella fifty miles away to catch up with the bus.  He smoked weed and talked the entire time of course.  He said these things happen to him all of the time.  He figured out at eight-years old who he was, an eternal soul completely connected to God, the universe and every living thing in it. 

When we were approaching Lake Isabella, he said he’d been given another mission to pick up a PCT hiker.  Sure enough, when we arrived at the bus station, there was a guy who was ecstatic to get a ride from Raymond, an angel dressed up like a 64-year old hippie.

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Day One…Campo to Hauser Creek

Thanks to my Aunt Marie and Uncle Bob who shuttled me to Campo

There is something bittersweet about the start of the Pacific Crest Trail. I’m thrilled to see the monument marking the trail’s southern terminous. It’s the beginning of something all PCT hikers having been dreaming about and planning for months.

But just behind the monument looms the tall, ominous steel border wall plunging into valleys and spanning hills for hundreds of miles. I’ve seen it on TV and in photos, but seeing it for real in the early morning light is a bleak reminder of the struggles for survival and the death and despair that take place here in the borderlands. It reminds me of the MadMax films of chaos and conflict. It’s sad. And all day long as I’m hiking, it stays in view.

Top photo: Border Wall near PCT southern terminous. Bottom photo: Statue of Liberty with the inscription: “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses, yearning to breathe free.” Which one better reflects our values?

But I’m also pumped with adrenaline and excited to start the hike. I get lost immediately, and am guided back to the trail by two construction workers who are building roads that parallel the Wall. They are friendly and one shares a story about hiking with his son. It’s the first of many such encounters along the trail where people are friendly and excited to talk to you about hiking and their own experiences.

This is dry, desert country. It’s early in the year, and there’s a seasonal creek flowing about four miles away, and I stop for lunch and fill up my water bottle. Remarkably, the grass is green and wildflowers are starting to bloom. I’m blessed to have started early enough to see the desert’s brief spring.

California Peony

About mile ten, I feel a blister on my right foot. Ouch. I’m learning to navigate with the Guthook App which not only is a trail map, but full of information from hikers ahead of me. It turns out a Trail Angel has left several gallons of water at Hauser Creek which is dry. I decide to set up camp along the dry creek because I’ll have enough water thanks to the angel. Plus it’s getting dark and my feet are sore.

Hauser Creek campsite

Canti, Dave (Trailname: TableStakes)

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The Truth Shall Set You Free….if you understand what it means

MK Gandhi

When I first read Gandhi’s autobiography about how he developed his method of non-violence, The Story of My Experiments with Truth, I understood the history, but was confused on how he defined Truth.  In fact, the story is about his evolving understanding of Truth as he confronted empires to lead India to independence.  Truth means more than correctly stating facts.  Indeed Gandhi took the term beyond its conventional meaning of being truthful in thought, speech and action.  Ultimately he arrived at the idea of Absolute Truth which he defined as Truth is God.

“Truth is God, and truth overrides all our plans.”

Interestingly, however, Gandhi makes Truth an individual quest.  He said, “Truth is what the voice within tells you”. It is a person who is the authority of this knowledge. It is not a cultural tradition, a Holy Book nor any social or state organization to determine the content of Truth. It is an individual in the final analysis, after discussion with others and seriously pondering, to make the decision.

To understand this better I consulted my teacher, Jeffrey Armstrong (Kavindra Rishi).  He pointed me to the definition of Dharma to explain what Gandhi was getting at.  

Dharma: From the root dhri—the essential nature of anything, which, if you take it away, that thing is no longer itself. For example, the dharma of water is to be liquid. Dharma is the basis of the English ‘truth’. Dharma also means to stand for what is true. Once someone knows their dharma, their duty is to live that truth. (From the Bhagavad Gita Comes Alive: A Radical Translation)

It sounds so easy; all you need to know is your essential nature.  How hard could that be? It turns out that, at least for me, this was the 1,000,000 piece puzzle. I tried out a lot of stuff,  explored many dead ends, consulted numerous holy books and gurus and dug deeply into my American, Irish, and Christian cultural traditions. Didn’t find it. 

What finally helped was finding a teacher who could explain who I really was: an eternal, conscious, individual and joyous being from the transcendental exploring the material world one lifetime after another until I finish my degree by finding and living my Truth. After that awakening, things began to fall into place and after consulting with others, including Bhagavan (Supreme Being), I realized my mission at this point is understand and practice Kindness, Compassion and Unconditional Love.  Writing this blog is part of my duty to live this Truth, but the hard part of course is to practice these concepts every second.

This is where Gandhi stepped back into my life. First, he explained that on our journey to find Absolute Truth we can’t always see it fully, and must practice with only a partial glimpse of it through what he calls relative Truth.  This has been my journey…seeing only part of the Truth, and sometime getting peeks at the whole thing.  He also connects Love and Truth: “Love and truth are two sides of the same coin.”

And finally Gandhi said: “Whenever you have truth it must be given with love, or the message and the messenger will be rejected.”

Which brings me to Jesus who said: “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32).

So even if our culture tells us it’s naïve to believe in Truth, there’s lots of evidence in our own lives that we should run after it with all our hearts. As a wise person said: “Listen to the voice within, it will set you free. And that promise is true for all time.”

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Beginning a New Journey

Have backpack. Will travel

On Monday March 8 I started a new journey at the Mexican border. I’ll be hiking the Pacific Crest Trail from Mexico to Canada, a journey of 2,650 miles. Up to this point, this blog has chronicled a part of my spiritual journey. Now it will also include a journal of the natural wonders, people, adventures and also spiritual insights along the trail. This quest, like all good adventures, will likely involve overcoming physical, mental and spiritual challenges along the way. I’m psyched!! Some have suggested psycho. Perhaps the most important key to success on a quest is to have angels to support you. My Chief Trail Angel is my beloved partner, Felicity. Thank you for having patience with me and supporting this dream.

Let the journey begin.

Canti,
TableStakes (My trail name)

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What You Really Want: Unconditional Love

Frances Fogarty

I’m very lucky.  My mother was all about unconditional love.  She gave out bushels of it to me, my sibs, her grandkids, and many, many others. I don’t know its dictionary definition, but when my mother said she loved you she meant she saw you for who you are, and threw her arms around you and loved you no matter what. 

Receiving this kind of love is such a gift.  It gives you buoyant confidence in being who you are.  It gives you a safe haven from the material world.  It makes you feel you peaceful and balanced. It was shanti which means not only peace, but inner balance.

She went to a Christian church from which she distilled a simple philosophy:  God is Love.  Here’s a quote that expresses her view: “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. John 3:16

This idea is also at the core of Vedic philosophy.  In this case the supreme being (Bhagavan) is loving and all pervasive and dwells in everyone and every thing.

Sadly, I have not always been my mother’s best student.  I admit to sometimes giving out puny love, not the bountiful no holds bar kind.  Apologies.  But I know how I’m supposed to love thanks to Mom, Jesus and the Vedas.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

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Can I practice forgiveness about something truly awful?

This has been a privileged lifetime for me. I’ve only confronted a handful of truly terrible people, and only one who has tried to harm my loved ones or myself. If I’d been a soldier, a police officer, or a violent crime victim, forgiving would be so much harder.

But I did have an experience in Bali where I had to confront someone who was doing very despicable things to young people I love like family. I’m not going into details or naming names in this blog. Many of you may already know the story. It took some time for us to do so, but Felicity and I faced up to the crimes we witnessed, and took action to stop the behavior and to heal our loved ones. It was a very difficult time for all involved. We did some good helping some of the victims, and those who were entangled in the guilt by association and the secrets they were forced to keep. However, we are uncertain whether we successfully changed this man’s behavior or saved future victims. It’s a lingering regret.

The question that I’ve wrestled with for a few years now is whether I should forgive this man for what he did? I’ve circled around the question in several different ways. At the time this was coming down, I tried to explain to the people that I still loved him, but hated the evil actions he did. In other words, “Love the sinner. Hate the sin.” I didn’t find it a particularly compelling at the time because I was angry at the pain he had caused.

It’s taken a few years and the anger has diminished, but I worry that by forgetting what he did to those boys might allow the abuse to continue in the future. However, the more I’ve read about forgiveness and grace and Karma Yoga, the more I’m convinced that forgiveness, not forgetting, is the right course. I’ve been studying the Bhagavad Gita with my teacher Jeffrey Armstrong, and one of the verses goes right to the point:

“Because you have free will, you can control your actions, but you are never in control of the fruit or ultimate outcome of what you do. Therefore, never let attachment to the fruits be the ultimate reason for your actions. Conversely, do not simply retreat into a state of detached inaction.” (Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 2, Verse 47)

So, I think that means take action because it’s the right thing to do, but you can’t be certain if your goal will actually be achieved. Uncertainty can be a reason to avoid action. It was for me. I delayed taking action because I wasn’t sure how to address some key questions: If we took action to stop these abuses, what would happen to the victims, our Balinese loved ones, our own family? Would the abuse stop? What actions could we actually take, especially in a foreign culture?

It took time for me to work up the courage to take action. We worked our way through these questions with the help of thirty years of studying Gandhi’s principles of non-violent action, through the insistence of my mother to love him, and with the help of gifted psychologists from Bali and Mongolia. We worked out a strategy that focused on the following goals and strategies:

  1. Confirm the facts.
  2. Make sure the victims are protected and have access to expert therapy.
  3. Do truth-telling with those in the inner circle to cleanse them from guilt and obtain their assistance to stop the abuse.
  4. Enlist influential Balinese and western leaders to help stop the abuse.
  5. Directly and with love confront the man and seek his willingness to change.

The first three strategies worked out pretty well. Items four and five have had mixed results.

I confess that I have violated the Gita verse above about being attached to the fruits of our strategy. I have been attached…very attached… to the fruits of all of these actions which has led to disappointment that we have not seen definitive results for the last two of our aims.

I’ve also been reading Anne Lamott’s ‘Grace (Eventually)’ in which she quotes a friend: “You do what you can and then get out of the way because you’re not the one who does the work.  You’re not in charge of the outcome only the action.” In other words, get yourself and your ego out of the way, and let Bhagawan (God) take charge.

And I will, but to do so I must also forgive because holding on to this anger is too much for me. It’s hurting me and I have to let it go. Not by forgetting, but by forgiving because as the Gita said: “..do not simply retreat into a state of detached inaction.” Be watchful, and take action again if necessary; mindful that: “You do what you can, and then get out of the way.”

Gita Comes Alive

For anyone interested in a new and inspired translation of the Bhagavad Gita, go to GitaComesAlive.com

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Forgiveness…What’s that all about?

Perhaps the two most difficult things for me to say are: “Please forgive me” and its twin, “I forgive you.” 

But for my soul to be at peace; to achieve the goal of being kind, compassionate and loving unconditionally, these are words I must utter every day.

According to Buddhist teachings, we should strive to live in such a way that we never harm others or are impacted by those who harmed us.  But that’s a tall order in the world we live in.   Intentionally or unintentionally, our actions can hurt other people, other animals or the planet.  If we are carnivores, our appetites require killing cows, chickens, pigs and fish.  Even vegetarians have an impact.  For example, converting what were once wild prairie lands into corn and soy bean field destroys wildlife habitat. Water diverted from the wild rivers to San Francisco for drinking and showering has drowned beautiful venues such as the Hetch Hetchy valley, and severely harmed aquatic habitat in the bay and delta.

And shall we count the ways we harm each other?  Have you ever snarled at a Customer Support person on the phone, barked at your partner while “hangry?”  Or can you recall when you’ve been the victim of slights, insults, robberies, frauds, scams, assaults, cheating spouses, liars, disloyal friends, unappreciative children…you name it?

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting triggered by writing all this junk down.  As I sketched out the list above, I found myself digging out memories which in turn brought forth emotions of resentment, annoyance, pain, fear…. and away we go.

Forgiveness is a way of getting rid of the junk, and make no mistake….IT IS JUNK… that clouds our minds, scars our relationships and fucks up our karma.

But we don’t have to hold onto it.  We can forgive and be forgiven. Forgiveness is a way of discarding the baggage so that we can move on to something far more soul satisfying: Giving and receiving kindness, compassion and unconditional love.

It’s no surprise that sages, avatars, religions and philosophies all champion forgiveness.  It’s one of the most powerful rituals ever performed to bring peace to ourselves and to the universe.

In Judaism, if a person causes harm, but then sincerely and honestly apologizes to the wronged individual and tries to rectify the wrong, the wronged individual is encouraged, but not required, to grant forgiveness.

“True forgiveness is when you can say, ‘Thank you for that experience.”

Oprah Winfrey

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus repeatedly spoke of forgiveness:

“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”

Matthew 5:7

“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.”

Luke 6:27-29

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a constant attitude.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

“O people, seek repentance from Allah. Verily, I seek repentance from Him a hundred times a day.” 

Prophet Mohammed

“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”

Confucius

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”

Rita Mae Brown

Coming Up On Table Stakes:

Simple daily forgiveness rituals

How can I practice forgiveness about something truly awful?

Photo credit: Brett Jordan via Unsplash

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Understanding Compassion: So what is it, really?

“None of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.” –Mother Teresa

When I started this blog, my goal was to understand and practice kindness, compassion and unconditional love.

Kindness is easy to understand, even if it may be difficult to practice … at least for my combative self.  But compassion is more complicated.  A few weeks ago, I thought I’d just start typing out a blog about the term, but realized I didn’t have a clear idea about what compassion meant.  So I’ve been doing some reading and some thinking and a lot of trout fishing.

The common definition seems simple enough. Compassion means to see that someone is suffering and then take action to help. Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount is all about compassion. 

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”

He could walk into a crowd and see who was suffering and do something about it.  “You’re blind” he says to a couple of guys in the back row.  “No worries.”  He walks over and gives them sight.  

“You’re sick.  I can deal with that.”

“You’re hungry and thirsty.  Bring me a couple of loaves of bread and water and we can feed the lot of you and have some wine too.”

It’s not all about the miracles, however much they dazzle.  What’s behind the miracles?Of course it starts with love for these folks and the experience of a deep empathy with their burdens.  Those feelings of love and empathy are really the key to understanding compassion.  From there, it’s a a short bridge to action.  Doing what you can to heal the pain or suffering that the other person or being is experiencing.

We may not have the power to give the kind of miracles that Jesus did, but being compassionate can be its own kind of miracle both for the giver and receiver of it.

Many decades ago when I had long, dark hair, I was in Mazatlan, Mexico.  I didn’t have much money, but it was enough for a bus ticket back to the border.  But then one night I was robbed of my last few pesos (A story with a Canadian villain), and needed to get creative.  My solution? I hopped a freight train to Nogales on the Arizona border (A story about a long, dusty night drinking tequila and singing with my fellow hoboes).  I was a dirty, tired mess when I crossed through Immigration into America with a basket carrying my sleeping bag and other essentials.  On the U.S side, an older Mexican man approached me and wanted to shake my hand.  I was a little suspicious, but shook hands anyway.  When I took my hand back, I discovered the gent had given me a quarter which amounted to 25 times more money than I had in my pocket.  He smiled, patted me on the back and wished me “buena suerte.”

Have you ever noticed that you can count on poor people to help you out when times are difficult?  Anyways, a little money in my pocket helped me buy some fruit and carrots to feed me while hitchhiking from Nogales to San Diego (A story about dodging trouble from overly friendly escaped prisioners).  But more importantly what sustained me was the feeling that someone, a stranger, saw my plight, cared and took action to help.  This man’s act of charity has stuck with me since.  By being a receiver of compassion it helped me understand the value of giving compassion in small ways to panhandlers on the street, and in larger ways too.  

This is a simple story of how I learned about compassion, but it can be more complicated.  As I read more in the Buddhist, Vedic and Christian texts I found there are some associated issues that anyone who is serious about compassion must confront.

What’s the deal about forgiveness?

What’s the difference between empathy and compassion?

Are there limits to compassion?

What if those that are suffering don’t want your darn compassion?

Are you helping to gain fame or something else?

What are the “little things” you need to be concerned about to avoid hurting others?

What is ahimsa (non-violence)?

All good questions, which I’ll delve into later.  But for now, when I think of compassion, I envision a gentle Mexican man on the Arizona border helping out a poor American boy.

Canti.

Dave

Extra Credit: Guess who said this?

“It’s not about how much you do but how much love you put into what you do that counts.”