I’m slow, so walking 25 miles a day takes me at least ten hours, plus another hour for lunch, breaks, socializing with other hikers and stopping to take in the views.
Most of my mornings are devoted to wildlife watching because the bears, deer and other critters are still lurking about. Around 7am they go to bed, and so I start belting out my morning prayers.
Lyell Creek, Yosemite just before dawn
I usually don’t see many other hikers on the trail in the early morning, but occasionally a hiker, perhaps freaked out by my chanting, warily passes me by. However, most of the time PCT hikers don’t notice because they can’t hear anything but the music blasting from their ear buds.
Many people have asked me if I’ve ever felt lonely hiking solo for five months. Never. That’s because I feel like my family, friends and other beloved beings are hiking right along with me. It’s what I’ve been learning in the practice of Bhakti Yoga: Chanting or singing the names of your loved ones and the deities that you cherish is a way of invoking them. It’s like my morning prayers are a chatty gathering around the breakfast table.
Okay, that last paragraph may seem weird to some of you. You may even think that it’s a bit delusional. I’m not asking you to buy into it. But it’s a Vedic tradition that’s thousands of years old with a long line of teachers and books defining the practice. I’m still a rank beginner.
It’s interesting that many of my fellow hikers take other paths to experience something similar. For example, a very large percentage of PCT hikers eat Psilocybin mushrooms to help them enhance the trail experience. They may be searching for the same place of being connected with the earth that we are walking on, the Gods they worship and, most importantly, their real selves.
I’ve never tried these magic mushrooms. Maybe eating them invokes a similar experience to what I have with Bhakti yoga, maybe not. For me, the key to whatever path you choose to build relationships with other humans and spiritual deities is intention. Do you have a philosophical concept of what you’re looking for, or is your intention simply entertainment? Come to think of it, you can enjoy these spiritual relationships and be entertained all at the same time.
But for me, it’s been helpful to be grounded in a Vedic philosophy that’s been written down and practiced for such a long time. It’s helped me to understand what’s going on during these intense energetic experiences, rather than just being wowed by the sensations, and that helps deepen things even more.
Note: Interested in Bhakti Yoga, see my teacher’s website at GitaComesAlive.com
Every blog needs an adorable cat photo, especially if her name is Gracie
You can’t earn it. You can’t buy it. You can only receive it with gratitude. What I’m talking about is Grace. It’s given to you freely, abundantly and lovingly by Bhagavan (God). It’s yours to cherish while you live in the material world. It helps free you from the cycle of karma, and it remains with you when you return to transcendental existence.[1]
So what is Grace? All religions embrace it, and I will summarize their views in a moment. But I first want to share my initial experience of Grace. I was 20 years-old standing on the Berkeley shoreline at sunset, and for the first time I experienced being part of God and the entirety of existence for that moment and in all time. This was not an abstract experience, and I was not taking psychedelics or any other drug. It was a very powerful feeling of personally belonging in a loving universe in which God, the natural world, other humans, other animals including me were playing. I realized this way of being was what I had been looking for a very long time, over many human lifetimes. I understand now this experience is Grace. It’s warm and cozy and loving and it explains who you are, and what you are part of.
And then I forgot. I didn’t forget immediately and not entirely, but that experience gradually receded from my day-to-day life. It took a very long time to recover Grace, and to understand the treasure that I had been given. During that more than 40-year long journey I now understand that I was searching to find Grace even though I didn’t know that was what I was looking for it, and therefore I took a very long and winding road to rediscover it.
Grace thrives in Bali.
I began the search by studying Christianity, but that didn’t feel like my path. I looked into other religions as well, but they weren’t my way either. The quest took me to an ashram in Bali where I learned Vedic mantras, and saying those prayers over many decades really did help. It also helped to study Gandhi. My growing love with Felicity pushed me further on the rediscovery process, and when I looked into my newborn sons eyes I began to understand as well. I learned from friends, family, colleagues and even strangers. I learned it from doing service for others. But what really revved up my journey was finding a teacher, Jeffrey Armstrong, who finally explained what those mantras I had been reciting for so many years really meant. He gave me the vocabulary and context to understand my experience that day 46 years ago on the Berkeley shoreline: We are divine beings living in a world that is loving, cozy and fully connected in place and time.
Understanding the philosophy of the Vedas was huge step forward, but to actually return to living the Grace I had once found, I needed another teacher. I found him in Coimbotore, India. His name is Baba and he showed me how to taste Bhagavan (God) again, and once I found that taste I’ve never forgotten it. Once you know the taste of chocolate, you don’t forget it, right?
Oh, from time-to-time, I do forget, but thanks to Jeffrey and Baba, I have the philosophical and tantric tools to get back in the groove, and stay in Grace…for which I am eternally grateful.
Here’s how three religions describe Grace
“Therefore, O Arjuna, wholeheartedly take shelter in the divine refuge of My Being, receive the loving gift of blissful existence, and soon you will attain to My immortal realm.”
Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 18 Verse 62
In Vedic philosophy, of which I am a very imperfect student, Grace, the eternal and unconditional loving gift of blissful experience, is yours simply by embracing Bhagavan (God). Christianity has a very similar view that Grace is the love given to us by God because God wants us to have it, not necessarily because of anything we have done to earn it.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”
Ephesians, Chapter 2 Verses 8-9
And Grace is a key element of Islam:
“God is the Possessor of Infinite Grace” and “He bestows this grace upon whomsoever He wills (or desires).
Quran, Chapter 62 Verse 4 and Chapter 57 Verse 29
Is it really this simple?
How can there be Grace in a world of suffering, pain and death?
What if I don’t deserve Grace?
How can I get some of that Grace?
Some context may help.
[1] According to the Vedas, (the ancient library of knowledge from which Hindu and other religions derive) who we are really is an atma or soul who is an eternal, conscious, and joyous individual being. We decided to visit the material world (earth, et al) to gain experience. While here, we cycle through various lives and deaths as humans and other animals. This is known as reincarnation. In other words we are eternal, conscious and divine atmas (souls) who go through many lives and deaths. Think of Bill Murray in the film, Groundhog Day. While in the material world, we are subject to the laws of karma which are the actions and reactions caused by the exercise of our free will. When we are finished with what we have come to learn and experience here in the material world, and are free of karma, then we, as atmas, return to the transcendental world from which we came. Note: Credit to my teacher Jeffrey Armstrong for this information. Any screw-ups are mine alone.
And if you really want to go deep:
For anyone interested in a new and inspired translation of the Bhagavad Gita, go to GitaComesAlive.com
This has been a privileged lifetime for me. I’ve only confronted a handful of truly terrible people, and only one who has tried to harm my loved ones or myself. If I’d been a soldier, a police officer, or a violent crime victim, forgiving would be so much harder.
But I did have an experience in Bali where I had to confront someone who was doing very despicable things to young people I love like family. I’m not going into details or naming names in this blog. Many of you may already know the story. It took some time for us to do so, but Felicity and I faced up to the crimes we witnessed, and took action to stop the behavior and to heal our loved ones. It was a very difficult time for all involved. We did some good helping some of the victims, and those who were entangled in the guilt by association and the secrets they were forced to keep. However, we are uncertain whether we successfully changed this man’s behavior or saved future victims. It’s a lingering regret.
The question that I’ve wrestled with for a few years now is whether I should forgive this man for what he did? I’ve circled around the question in several different ways. At the time this was coming down, I tried to explain to the people that I still loved him, but hated the evil actions he did. In other words, “Love the sinner. Hate the sin.” I didn’t find it a particularly compelling at the time because I was angry at the pain he had caused.
It’s taken a few years and the anger has diminished, but I worry that by forgetting what he did to those boys might allow the abuse to continue in the future. However, the more I’ve read about forgiveness and grace and Karma Yoga, the more I’m convinced that forgiveness, not forgetting, is the right course. I’ve been studying the Bhagavad Gita with my teacher Jeffrey Armstrong, and one of the verses goes right to the point:
“Because you have free will, you can control your actions, but you are never in control of the fruit or ultimate outcome of what you do. Therefore, never let attachment to the fruits be the ultimate reason for your actions. Conversely, do not simply retreat into a state of detached inaction.” (Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 2, Verse 47)
So, I think that means take action because it’s the right thing to do, but you can’t be certain if your goal will actually be achieved. Uncertainty can be a reason to avoid action. It was for me. I delayed taking action because I wasn’t sure how to address some key questions: If we took action to stop these abuses, what would happen to the victims, our Balinese loved ones, our own family? Would the abuse stop? What actions could we actually take, especially in a foreign culture?
It took time for me to work up the courage to take action. We worked our way through these questions with the help of thirty years of studying Gandhi’s principles of non-violent action, through the insistence of my mother to love him, and with the help of gifted psychologists from Bali and Mongolia. We worked out a strategy that focused on the following goals and strategies:
Confirm the facts.
Make sure the victims are protected and have access to expert therapy.
Do truth-telling with those in the inner circle to cleanse them from guilt and obtain their assistance to stop the abuse.
Enlist influential Balinese and western leaders to help stop the abuse.
Directly and with love confront the man and seek his willingness to change.
The first three strategies worked out pretty well. Items four and five have had mixed results.
I confess that I have violated the Gita verse above about being attached to the fruits of our strategy. I have been attached…very attached… to the fruits of all of these actions which has led to disappointment that we have not seen definitive results for the last two of our aims.
I’ve also been reading Anne Lamott’s ‘Grace (Eventually)’ in which she quotes a friend: “You do what you can and then get out of the way because you’re not the one who does the work. You’re not in charge of the outcome only the action.” In other words, get yourself and your ego out of the way, and let Bhagawan (God) take charge.
And I will, but to do so I must also forgive because holding on to this anger is too much for me. It’s hurting me and I have to let it go. Not by forgetting, but by forgiving because as the Gita said: “..do not simply retreat into a state of detached inaction.” Be watchful, and take action again if necessary; mindful that: “You do what you can, and then get out of the way.”
Gita Comes Alive
For anyone interested in a new and inspired translation of the Bhagavad Gita, go to GitaComesAlive.com
