Perhaps the two most difficult things for me to say are: “Please forgive me” and its twin, “I forgive you.”
But for my soul to be at peace; to achieve the goal of being kind, compassionate and loving unconditionally, these are words I must utter every day.
According to Buddhist teachings, we should strive to live in such a way that we never harm others or are impacted by those who harmed us. But that’s a tall order in the world we live in. Intentionally or unintentionally, our actions can hurt other people, other animals or the planet. If we are carnivores, our appetites require killing cows, chickens, pigs and fish. Even vegetarians have an impact. For example, converting what were once wild prairie lands into corn and soy bean field destroys wildlife habitat. Water diverted from the wild rivers to San Francisco for drinking and showering has drowned beautiful venues such as the Hetch Hetchy valley, and severely harmed aquatic habitat in the bay and delta.
And shall we count the ways we harm each other? Have you ever snarled at a Customer Support person on the phone, barked at your partner while “hangry?” Or can you recall when you’ve been the victim of slights, insults, robberies, frauds, scams, assaults, cheating spouses, liars, disloyal friends, unappreciative children…you name it?
I don’t know about you, but I’m getting triggered by writing all this junk down. As I sketched out the list above, I found myself digging out memories which in turn brought forth emotions of resentment, annoyance, pain, fear…. and away we go.
Forgiveness is a way of getting rid of the junk, and make no mistake….IT IS JUNK… that clouds our minds, scars our relationships and fucks up our karma.
But we don’t have to hold onto it. We can forgive and be forgiven. Forgiveness is a way of discarding the baggage so that we can move on to something far more soul satisfying: Giving and receiving kindness, compassion and unconditional love.
It’s no surprise that sages, avatars, religions and philosophies all champion forgiveness. It’s one of the most powerful rituals ever performed to bring peace to ourselves and to the universe.
In Judaism, if a person causes harm, but then sincerely and honestly apologizes to the wronged individual and tries to rectify the wrong, the wronged individual is encouraged, but not required, to grant forgiveness.
“True forgiveness is when you can say, ‘Thank you for that experience.”
Oprah Winfrey
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus repeatedly spoke of forgiveness:
“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”
Matthew 5:7
“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.”
Luke 6:27-29
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a constant attitude.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
“O people, seek repentance from Allah. Verily, I seek repentance from Him a hundred times a day.”
Prophet Mohammed
“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”
Confucius
“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”
Rita Mae Brown
Coming Up On Table Stakes:
Simple daily forgiveness rituals
How can I practice forgiveness about something truly awful?
Photo credit: Brett Jordan via Unsplash