Tag: compassion

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Understanding Compassion: So what is it, really?

“None of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.” –Mother Teresa

When I started this blog, my goal was to understand and practice kindness, compassion and unconditional love.

Kindness is easy to understand, even if it may be difficult to practice … at least for my combative self.  But compassion is more complicated.  A few weeks ago, I thought I’d just start typing out a blog about the term, but realized I didn’t have a clear idea about what compassion meant.  So I’ve been doing some reading and some thinking and a lot of trout fishing.

The common definition seems simple enough. Compassion means to see that someone is suffering and then take action to help. Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount is all about compassion. 

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”

He could walk into a crowd and see who was suffering and do something about it.  “You’re blind” he says to a couple of guys in the back row.  “No worries.”  He walks over and gives them sight.  

“You’re sick.  I can deal with that.”

“You’re hungry and thirsty.  Bring me a couple of loaves of bread and water and we can feed the lot of you and have some wine too.”

It’s not all about the miracles, however much they dazzle.  What’s behind the miracles?Of course it starts with love for these folks and the experience of a deep empathy with their burdens.  Those feelings of love and empathy are really the key to understanding compassion.  From there, it’s a a short bridge to action.  Doing what you can to heal the pain or suffering that the other person or being is experiencing.

We may not have the power to give the kind of miracles that Jesus did, but being compassionate can be its own kind of miracle both for the giver and receiver of it.

Many decades ago when I had long, dark hair, I was in Mazatlan, Mexico.  I didn’t have much money, but it was enough for a bus ticket back to the border.  But then one night I was robbed of my last few pesos (A story with a Canadian villain), and needed to get creative.  My solution? I hopped a freight train to Nogales on the Arizona border (A story about a long, dusty night drinking tequila and singing with my fellow hoboes).  I was a dirty, tired mess when I crossed through Immigration into America with a basket carrying my sleeping bag and other essentials.  On the U.S side, an older Mexican man approached me and wanted to shake my hand.  I was a little suspicious, but shook hands anyway.  When I took my hand back, I discovered the gent had given me a quarter which amounted to 25 times more money than I had in my pocket.  He smiled, patted me on the back and wished me “buena suerte.”

Have you ever noticed that you can count on poor people to help you out when times are difficult?  Anyways, a little money in my pocket helped me buy some fruit and carrots to feed me while hitchhiking from Nogales to San Diego (A story about dodging trouble from overly friendly escaped prisioners).  But more importantly what sustained me was the feeling that someone, a stranger, saw my plight, cared and took action to help.  This man’s act of charity has stuck with me since.  By being a receiver of compassion it helped me understand the value of giving compassion in small ways to panhandlers on the street, and in larger ways too.  

This is a simple story of how I learned about compassion, but it can be more complicated.  As I read more in the Buddhist, Vedic and Christian texts I found there are some associated issues that anyone who is serious about compassion must confront.

What’s the deal about forgiveness?

What’s the difference between empathy and compassion?

Are there limits to compassion?

What if those that are suffering don’t want your darn compassion?

Are you helping to gain fame or something else?

What are the “little things” you need to be concerned about to avoid hurting others?

What is ahimsa (non-violence)?

All good questions, which I’ll delve into later.  But for now, when I think of compassion, I envision a gentle Mexican man on the Arizona border helping out a poor American boy.

Canti.

Dave

Extra Credit: Guess who said this?

“It’s not about how much you do but how much love you put into what you do that counts.”

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Karma Yoga Soccer

In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna spells out the essential pathways (yogas) for connecting your soul with the divine. One of these is Karma Yoga, which is the path of action.  Karma Yoga is to act selflessly in the service of others.

Serving not only helps others, it helps yourself by developing the habit of being kind and compassionate. 

The hard part is to “act selflessly,” not expecting to gain anything personally from serving others. Just doing good because it’s the right thing to do. 

In other words, intention is everything.  Posting Instagram photos of your act of kindness, taking a few bows for making a big donation to charity.  This isn’t Karma Yoga and it won’t get you any closer to Moksa.

One good example of how to practice Karma Yoga was by my son Lucas.  We were traveling in Baja California, and he had brought some soccer balls with us to give away.  We were at a friend’s house in a poor village in Baja California.  Across the street, were three kids playing in a dusty driveway.  Luke walked over and gave them each a brand new soccer ball.  At first they were confused that anyone would give them such a gift.  Who was this Santa Claus?  But they quickly became engrossed with their new balls.

Like any good public relations guy, I suggested to Luke that I take some photos of him with the kids and their new soccer balls.  We could post them on his DASH Camp FB feed.  “I didn’t do it for the publicity Dad,” he explained.  “I just wanted to bring joy to them.”

So that sums up Karma Yoga.  It feels good to everyone involved.

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Washing it Off

Water purification ritual at Lampuyang…a rite that Balinese do at least once a day

One of the things I love most about Bali are the water purification rituals. 

Every day, Balinese people take part in this rite which involves being sprinkled with holy water, drinking it three times and then washing three times. It’s a simple, but powerful ritual to ward off spiritual and energetic gunk that has stuck to you.  This could be from an angry confrontation, some evil spirits grabbing you, a bad dream or some bad thoughts or feelings you may be having about yourself or someone else.

Whatever it is, you can use this ritual to get rid of it…to let it go.  We sometimes dismiss such rituals in the west, but they can be effective ways of first acknowledging that detritus is sticking to you and then dealing with it or simply letting it wash away.

The act of letting this junk go is what reminded me of Nirvana.  And there is a link to the main point of this blog (Kindness, Compassion and Unconditional Love).  Because these practices often require letting go of some useless stuff like anger, expectations, and keeping track of whose right and wrong.  It’s impossible to be kind and compassionate if you’re pissed off at someone. In fact, the best marriage advice I ever heard was from a retired general we met in India who said: “Best thing for a good marriage is a sense of humor and a bad memory.”

The Balinese are practical folks.  They get that everyday sprinkling of purification may not be enough if you’re experiencing some big problem.  Sometimes the whole village needs to get cleansed from some bad stuff going around.  All the villagers might load into the truck and vans and head over to a water temple like Tirta Empul to get clean from the bad energy of a neighborly dispute.  I once witnessed a woman who had been possessed being taken to a temple by her family to be cleansed.  The evil spirit writhed, twisted and fought against getting dunked into the holy water. It was like a scene from the Exorcist. The demon resisted and the lady flailed about until her husband dunked her in and she spit the evil thing out.  Took about ten minutes in all, but she exited the water clean and free of what had possessed her.

Which makes me think about our country. Perhaps we all need a ritual cleanse.  So haul yourself down to the beach or jump in a pool and wash that evil joojoo coming from DC and Mar A Lago off….at a safe distance of course.  But get it off you…scrub well…maybe scream some of the frustration out…and then hit the streets to boot the devil out, so we can scrub the WH clean.

Sorry for the political moment…

Canti,

Pak Dave

Doing a full-body cleanse at Sebatu, Bali

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Leaping from the DMV to Nirvana

So the one good thing about standing in line at the DMV is that it gives you time to think. In my last blog, I described how I partially succeeded in letting go of the frustration, annoyance and anger that usually sticks to me when I visit my least favorite bureaucracy.

And thinking about letting go, led me to the idea of Nirvana.  I recently listened to a lesson from my friend and teacher Jeffrey Armstrong about Nirvana.  Apologies to Jeffrey if I have screwed this up. 

I must admit I never really thought that much about Nirvana until I listened to Jeffrey’s lecture.  I assumed it was akin to heaven or paradise.  And indeed for Buddhists, Nirvana is the goal of the eight -fold path of right practices, and is the gateway for escaping from karma and the cycle of birth and death.

Jeffrey took Nirvana in a different direction.  He explained that Nirvana from the Vedic perspective means letting go of everything except who you really are.  That means letting go of your attachment to stuff, letting go of your thoughts, letting go of the security of a safe retirement fund, letting go of your plans and ambitions; and importantly letting go of your emotions. 

It’s a stretch concept, especially the letting go of your emotions. I don’t know about you, but I really like holding on to feelings and emotions.  The good ones like love, and unfortunately some of the bad ones like anger and resentment too.

It’s not that you deny these things.  It’s just that you experience them, and then send them on their way.  And when you’ve let go of it all, you’ve reached Nirvana, a place of peace, escape from the cycles of human existence, and you can simply be who you really are… more about this later…

…Calling Number K-013. Go to station Number 24…Last call for Number K-013.  Go to Station Number 24.  The alerts over the DMV loudspeaker, awoke me from these thoughts.  There are a lot of different interpretations of Nirvana in Buddhist and Vedic philosophy.  What I’ve provided here is pretty bare bones.  However, it’s the first definition of Nirvana that really spoke to me. 

But please don’t give me an incomplete.  The DMV has gotten more efficient, and they called my number before I had finished my thoughts.  More on Nirvana and its cousin, purification, in the next blog.

Canti,

Pak Dave

Photo Credits Above: Jamie Street. Below: Lorna

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A Difficult Test at the DMV

If you want to test your resolve to be kind, compassionate and love unconditionally; visit the California Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) to apply for your Real ID.

DMV trips have always triggered me.  It’s the inane, arbitrary procedures that require waiting in numerous lines.  The often surly staff.  Did I mention the hours long wait.  Being informed by an officious staffer that you’re missing a document and you’ll have to return for another visit and wait in line again.  Was that a look of glee in her eye when delivering the news?

I confess that I often have responded to such visits with internal seething, teeth gnashing, ranting under my breath and at times biting sarcasm, the latter of course makes things much worse. 

Yesterday’s visit was headed in the same direction when I asked a security guard which line I should stand in, and received a curt, insulting answer.  My face turned red underneath my mask, but I walked on, where I encountered more DMV staff getting off on their own power trips.

I didn’t rant, but I might have offered a pathetically weak sarcastic rejoinder.  However, at least I wasn’t the guy who melted down when told he had stood for two hours in the wrong line. 

But I got over it with help from what my Kundalini guru Liya (liyagarber.com) said in class one day: “You can’t control it if people say spiteful things to you, but you can control how you receive it.”  You can decide whether to be hurt… or not ..if your partner insults you.  And you can decide to get angry.. or not…when the DMV security guard is a jerk. 

Of course, this isn’t as easy as it seems.  It took me a few minutes to get my head turned around and try not to follow my pattern of getting triggered.  So I decided what the hell give it a chance, and just let go of the DMV staff’s bad behavior.  And, I must admit, I began to notice a few improvements.  I calmed down. Some of the staff were actually quite helpful, competent and nice.  The procedures and computer systems seem to have improved too.  And it occurred to me maybe I should look at it from their perspective of having to deal with the same questions from stressed customers…all the while wearing a mask and hoping you don’t get infected with COVID. 

I’m not sure this qualifies as an epiphany, more of a duh…But I’m marking it down as a step forward in my journey.

And somehow this got me thinking about Nirvana…but that’s the subject of the next blog.

Photo Credits: Above: Jeremy Lishner. Below: Artem Beliakin via Unsplash
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The Journey Begins….Help Please!

You might have wondered why I called this blog TableStakes.  In poker, it means  the cost of the ante to be allowed into a hand.  In business, it’s the minimum requirement to have a credible starting position to be in a market or to buy into a partnership.

But the game I’m playing is neither poker nor business.  In this game, the goal is different than winning a pot or closing a deal.  I’ve realized that the game I’m playing is to understand who I really am, and what my mission is.

I’ll go into details in future blogs, but after many decades of meditation, prayer and study, the message finally landed that what I’m supposed to do in this lifetime (and future ones too because I’m a slow learner) is to learn and practice kindness, compassion and unconditional love.

Now, how hard can that be?

It’s not that easy as it turns out.  Truth is that I’ve not always lived up to these goals as my family, friends and some jerky customer service reps can attest. 

But I’m clear on my mission now, and I’m actively trying to re-orient my relationship with the gods, my loved ones and all other beings based on kindness, compassion and unconditional love. 

I’m using this blog to help understand and process my journey and to ask for advice from those that read it.  Feel free to offer suggestions, lessons you’ve learned, books, songs or films that have helped you, and above all please call bullshit on stuff I say you think is wrong or inauthentic.

Welcome to the journey to become a better soul through Kindness, Compassion & Unconditional Love.

Canti,

Dave